


Don't Let Me Drown

by PleasantlyToasted



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A small amount of it but oh well, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character, demigirl Pidge, post season 2?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-13 10:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10511556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleasantlyToasted/pseuds/PleasantlyToasted
Summary: When Lance was 7, he almost drowned. Now as the paladin of the Blue Lion, the guardian spirit of water, he must come to terms with his fear of water.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone in the VolTrash server that helped out, I'll get your ao3/tumblrs to credit you properly.  
> Thanks to elsklov on tumblr for reading through it!
> 
> Title inspired by Drown by BMTH.

He didn’t know when it happened.

No— he did. He was playing with his brothers. They were telling him it was time to go, but Lance didn’t care to listen. He wanted to play, to swim, to go off and adventure! He could swim just as far and just as hard as his brothers did, he definitely could!

Turns out, he couldn’t.

The ocean’s waves tugged at Lance from all sides just as the tide pulled in. He eventually lost sight of his brother while the waves grew increasingly unnerving. Dark storm clouds rising up to blocking his view of the sun. Rain began to fall but it didn’t matter. He could hardly tell the difference. Waves acted upon imaginary fury and pulled on his smaller body from every angle, the current incredibly strong. 

People abandoned the shore, carrying their things with them. He screamed as loud as he could, yet no one heard him. 

Lance was scared, his racing thoughts a blurry mess as he was carried out to sea. What would happen if he got swept even further to sea? Would his parents know? Would sharks come to rip him to shreds? Would he die?

Panic churned in his stomach.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t see as the waves crashed all around him. He kept getting turned around and pulled under. Lance… Lance didn’t know which way the shore was anymore.

He tried to breathe in, but only gasped in water. It stung his lungs and he tried to cough but that only seemed to make it worse.

He began to give up hope of ever going home. He fought against the current, but it was no use. It was stronger than him. Why wouldn’t the current loosen its hold? Why hadn’t his father come and saved him?

Lance felt himself give up, his body now weak against the tide. He looked up, admiring the sky.

A hand grabbed on to him and he focuses on the contact. It fights against the current for the both of them. The man attached to the arm makes it safely to shore with Lance in tow.

His mom rushed to his side and thanked the man profusely. She grabbed his hand and they join the rest of the family. His father wrapped him in a towel and kissed the top of his head.

“I’m glad you’re safe. We couldn’t find you and I nearly had a heart attack,” he said.

After that experience, Lance decided that he could do without swimming. Or water. 

So it’s only ironic that he ended up piloting the Blue Lion, guardian spirit of water.

\---------------------------

Lance feels like he’s drowning. This time, he’s on his own. No one will save him. No one is going to fight the current for him. They don’t see him drowning on his own. The weight of the world is suffocating him and he feels like he can’t breathe— like he can’t get enough air. The ocean’s waves won’t relent long enough for him to get his bearing. It pulls and pushes this way and that, never letting go. Never pausing, not even for a moment.

Everything is collapsing around him. He can’t see straight. Everything he knew and loved is gone. His family is billions of miles away and he might never see them again.

He stares forlornly out at the stars. It’s not the same as being back home. It’s not the same as lying in the back lawn with his sister, staring at the stars together. Dreaming about the stars together. 

Lance mentioned that one day, he’ll be out there, out among the stars.

And now he’s out among the stars and he misses home. He misses watching the stars with his sister and helping his younger brother with homework and hanging out with his older brother and cooking with his mom and helping his dad out around the house. He misses Earth.

But Lance knows he has a duty to attend to now. He’s supposed to save the universe, Earth included.

He didn’t want to talk to the group about it. They all had their own problems to deal with. After all, they had to find Shiro, that had to be the top priority. His problems could be put on the back burner.

Hunk taps him on the shoulder and he nearly jumps out of his skin. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard him approach. 

“Hey dude, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Dinner is starting and everyone is worried.”

“I was just thinking,” Lance says.

“Well, c’mon! Dinner’s waiting.”

Lance followed Hunk to the dining room and rejoined the group. He sat in his usual place between Hunk and Keith.


	2. The Depths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen... I love Langst.  
> Also the next chapter will probably take forever too. (Uploading schedule? Don't know her.)

As he came spiraling out of the wormhole, he couldn’t see where he was going. He saw the planet they were hurtling towards and it seems to be covered in ice. He closed his eyes before they collide with the planet.

They are underwater. Of course, the one planet they crash into is a giant ocean planet. And on top of it all, Blue wasn’t responding. He can’t feel her presence, she’s gone silent. Taking a deep breath, he tells himself not to panic. Hunk is here; he’s not going to let Lance drown. Neither will Blue, but something seems to be wrong with her. Now is not the time to nap, Blue. He tries her controls. Nothing. Blue is dead in the water, literally.

A realization begins to set in as he continues trying to get Blue to respond— they’re going to die down here. The team isn’t going to find them and they’re going to die.

Lance doesn’t want to drown. Lance doesn’t want to die. 

“Hunk, you okay? Hunk?” Lance calls out to his friend. The sound of Hunk retching rings over the comms. Lance sighs. At least he knows Hunk is okay. After a few seconds, he hears Hunk reassuring him that he’s fine. “You just threw up, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, you would too if you were sucked out of a wormhole at light speed, then crash landed on an ice planet and ended up underwater,” Hunk says.

“That is what happened to me!” Lance yells back. “And, hello, underwater!”

The realization seems to hit Hunk as Lance hears his voice soften over the comms. “Lance, it’ll be okay. We’re fine.”

“Yeah, of course we are.”

“Lance,” Hunk says, “trust me. We’ll be fine. I’m here for you, bud.”

“Okay, I get it, Hunk. I’m fine, I promise.” Lance was not fine. In fact, he was panicking. Luckily, Hunk can’t see his hands shaking, the sweat that is coating his skin, or the tears fighting to pour out.

“Lance, babe,” Hunk began. Lance’s ears perk up at the pet name. “Listen to me: I’m here and I promise that everything will be okay.”

Lance takes a deep breath. Then a few more. Sharp pains pang in his chest but he tries to ignore them. Hunk tries making a pun to cheer Lance up. It helps a little, but of course, Lance groans instead of showing Hunk that it helped.

They finish sinking to the bottom of the ocean and Hunk tries to reach out the the rest of the team. There’s no response, though, which makes Lance tense up. How were they going to get back to the group?

Blue’s lights come on as she roars to life. She lights up the water in front of her and Lance swears he sees something retreat back into the darkness. He’s certain that he’s not crazy but it looked like… a mermaid? Maybe his anxiety was finally getting to him.

Lance steels himself. He’s got to be strong for Hunk and Blue. And for the others, wherever they are. If they’re ever going to see the team again, Lance has to be strong. 

Blue’s reassuring thoughts flood his brain. “I believe in you,” is what he gets from it. She assures him that he’s brave and strong.

The creature appears in his field of view again. Blue playfully chases it and Lance feels like he’s going to be sick from all this twisting and turning.

The thing seems like it wants Lance to follow them. What other option does Lance have? Sit at the bottom of the ocean and wait for the team to find them? If he wants to follow that creature, he’ll need to get out of Blue; she’s too big and she’ll scare them away. Plus, he didn’t want to hurt them.

Lance is sad to leave Blue behind. She assures him that she’ll be alright, but he doesn’t want to get out. He doesn’t want to be in the water. At least now, he’s not directly touching the water.

Surprisingly, he’s the first to leave his lion. Hunk soon follows after Lance teases him. Together, hand in hand, they follow after the creature. They weave their way around the rocks, trying to keep their eyes on the mermaid.

A lot happens in a short period of time and Lance is honestly feeling overwhelmed. Lance tries to put on a brave face for Hunk; he doesn’t want Hunk worrying about him. It’s not that he doesn’t want Hunk knowing, but… okay it is that. He doesn’t want Hunk to think less of him.

When he wakes up, Hunk isn’t there. And three strange looking merpeople are surrounding him. This ‘putting on a brave face’ is going to be harder than he thought. 

He feels a knot in his chest. There was no Hunk or Blue around, he was alone. His throat suddenly feels dry and sweat began to coat his skin. What would he do without Hunk and Blue? Now he was alone in the water and who would be there to calm him down?

Maybe they hadn’t gone too far, maybe Hunk was still nearby. Maybe he could find him. Hunk wouldn’t abandon him and he wasn’t going to abandon Hunk.

The world around him seems unreal, everything feels fuzzy. Everything is out to get him and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t escape. The knot in his chest tightens. Things are happening too quickly, he can’t think straight. If everything could just slow down for a few minutes so Lance could think this through, so Lance could get his bearings. 

But stuff just keeps happening and Lance’s brain can’t process it, like it is happening to a different person. All he can think about is the fact that he’s underwater all by himself. No Hunk, no Blue. His vision blurs as tears fall down his cheeks. His hands won’t stop shaking. He can’t breathe.

He doesn’t want to drown, he doesn’t want to drown, he doesn’t want to—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr at pleasantlyklance


	3. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance reveals he's trans to Pidge, the team struggles with Keith's newfound identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap is purely about trans Lance..  
> Bit of a time skip cuz I'm lazy.

He stares at the discarded binder that lay on the ground. It’s so worn, he’s going to need another one soon. Where is he going to get one out here? In space? Maybe they had one at the Space Mall. He could try convincing Allura to go back, even though they had been banned from there. Or, you know, they could go to Earth; he knows he can get one there.

Lance had been blessed with a relatively small chest. He doesn’t necessarily need to wear a binder, but he likes to. A sports bra usually works just fine. In his usual over sized shirt, no one can tell. Which is good because only Hunk and Allura know. He hadn’t planned on telling Allura, but the mice were little snitches. She had been very understanding, though. Turns out, Alteans have something similar the menstrual periods. He’s been off testosterone for a while, so his periods have come back. He’s not very happy about that.

Hunk thought he should tell the others, but Lance didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be thought of as lesser of a man. He’s lucky he passes so well, maybe he’ll never have to tell them. Hunk thinks the team will understand but Lance is unsure.

It’s not like Lance is ashamed or anything; he’s just scared of how the others will react, how they’ll treat him once they find out.

“Maybe you can start slow. Start with one person- Maybe Pidge!” Hunk suggests.

He kind of wants to tell Pidge. After all, they came out to everyone as demigirl, so why can’t Lance come out to them as trans male? It would be nice to have someone else to confide; Hunk probably is tired of hearing his problems. It would also be nice to have a different perspective on things. Pidge most definitely wouldn’t think less of him.

He’s made up his mind: he’s going to tell Pidge. He just needs to find them.

 

For once, he actually finds them in their room. They were typing away on their laptop, oblivious (or ignoring) Lance as he enters the room.

“Pidge?” Lance says.

“Oh, Lance. Did you need something? I’m kinda busy,” they say.

“I see that, I’ll just go then.” Lance turns and makes his way to the door. Lance stops before he opens the door. He needs to be a man about about this. “So Pidge,” he starts. “Know how you’re a demigirl?” Good job, Lance, state the obvious.

They raise a questioning eyebrow. The clicking on their keyboard stops as they divulge their attention to Lance. “Yeah? I am?”

Lance shifts on his feet. “I— I need to tell you something.”

“Which is?” Pidge seems to be regretting their life decisions that lead them to this point. They think if they glare enough, Lance will leave.

“Well— I— I’m trans. A trans man. I’ve known since I was eight. Only Hunk knows,” Lance rambles.

Pidge’s eyes widen a small amount. They regain their composure and nod wisely. “Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me.”

“No problems, we’re pals.”

“We are?” Pidge teases.

Lance scoffs and brushes it off. He feels relieved and happy. “Hunk thinks I should tell the rest of the team, but I’m not sure. I’m scared.”

“Listen— just do what’s right for you.”

“Thanks, Pidge.”

“Yeah,” Pidge mumbles as they go back to typing. Lance decides to leave them alone to do whatever it is the Pidges do.

\----

“That wasn’t so hard?” Hunk asks.

“It was horrible,” Lance says, throwing his hands up in the air. He paced the length of the room. Hunk sat watching from Lance’s bed.

“They responded well, though,” Hunk pointed out. He didn’t know why Lance was making such a big deal.

“I’m so exhausted.”

“You should sleep, it’s been a long day. That took a lot of courage, Lance,” Hunk says reassuringly.

Lance stops pacing and joins Hunk on the bed, already in his pajamas. He curls up in Hunk’s lap and Hunk runs his hand through his hair. Lance falls asleep to Hunk humming.

\----

Lance, Hunk, and Keith were left alone in the room after chaos ensued. Pidge stormed off while mumbling something. Allura threw a huge fit, yelling in Keith’s face, almost outright physically attacking him and had to be guided away by Shiro and Coran. Which left the three of them.

Keith stands there awkwardly, unsure what to do with his hands. Lance is the one to break the silence. “So, you’re Galra?” he asks.

Keith visibly flinches. “...Only partly,” Keith says.

“Well, that doesn’t change what I think about you,” Lance assures him.

Keith looks up. “And what is that?”

“That… you’re a pretty cool guy and a great teammate.” Lance blushes.

Keith tilts his head, confused. “Thanks?”

He was okay with the new revelation, but he didn’t know how to tell Keith that. He feels like he’s just revealed too much already.

When he looks over at Hunk, he nods encouragingly. Lance shakes his head. He’s not ready. Now would be a good time but he’s not ready. He wants Keith to know that he’s not the only one struggling with his identity. But it could wait, another opportunity would show itself.

“I’m going to go train,” Keith mumbles before walking out, leaving Lance and Hunk alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally not projecting my own trans thoughts onto Lance...
> 
> As always, you can follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance


	4. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance stargaze and then the team fights Zarkon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept giving Lance siblings.  
> I have no self control and can't sleep.

“What do you think of Keith?” Lance asks.

Setting down his book, Hunk sighs. “I know you’ve had a crush on him since back at the Garrison and just never admitted it to me.” Lance scoffs. “But, seriously, I think you could ask him out if you wanted.”

“Really?” Lance says.

“Yeah.” Hunk says, picking up where he left off in his book.

“What he’s… not into a poly relationship though?” Lance asks, all the negative outcomes already rushing through his head.

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask him, babe. That’s step number one.”

“Gee, thanks, Hunk.”

\----

Giving up on sleep, Lance decides that it’s time to go look at the stars. He hasn’t had the time to do so recently.

While Lance is wandering absentmindedly, Keith bumps into him, heading the other way.

“Watch where you’re— oh, Lance.”

“Hey, Keith.” Lance blushes, wishing he had been paying attention.

“What are you doing up? Don’t you need beauty sleep or something?” Keith asks.

Lance scoffs. “Please, I’m already beautiful,” he teases. “I— I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d go look at the stars. I wish doing that with my sister.”

“I could join you, I guess?” Keith says, as if it’s a question. Lance thinks he’s imagining it, but a soft pink covers Keith’s face. Lance must but going crazy. Is Keith trying to bond with him?

“Sure.”

 

The two sit in a comfortable silence sitting on the floor of the observatory. Lance is too busy stargazing to notice Keith looking over at him. He makes up names and constellations as he goes along.

“What’s her name?” Keith asks. “Your sister’s.”

“Which one?”

“The one you stargaze with.”

“Adriana.”

“That’s pretty,” Keith says. He pauses for a moment before asking, “How many sisters do you have?”

“Four, Cecilia, Guadalupe or Lupe for short, Adriana, and Elena. Elena’s the youngest, she’s six now. Cecilia’s the oldest, Alvaro’s twin, and doesn’t live with us anymore. Lupe’s the closest to my age, she’s twenty, and Adri’s eleven. And, before you ask, I have three brothers. Alvaro, Miguel, and Romeo. Romeo is Elena’s twin. Alvaro is the oldest brother. Miguel is fifteen.”

“Wow, that’s… a big family.”

“Yeah. I share a room with Miguel. He’s a good brother, if not annoying.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Hey!” Lance shouts indignantly. Keith only laughs in response.

After a while, Keith says, “This is nice. Thanks for letting me tag along.” He turns away from Lance.

“No problem. Sorry for running into you.”

They lapse into silence and Lance can go back to stargazing. He misses pointing out constellations to Adri. He could make some up and she’d believe him. He told her the history behind some of them, the one’s he remembered anyways. He misses home.

“Do you think we’ll ever get home?” Lance asks.

“Don’t know. Haven’t thought about it,” Keith says plainly.

“You haven’t thought about it?” Lance is shocked. It’s all he and Hunk dream about. How could anyone not want to go home?

“Nope.”

“Do you… have a home to go to?”

“I have the shack.” Keith sounds defensive.

“Like, a real home.”

“Then, nope.”

Lance is in disbelief. How could Keith not have a home? He notices that Keith does not want to talk about, so he drops the subject.

“Keith, I’m sorry I annoy you. I hope we can be friends because I really like you.”

“Like me?”

“Uhh…”

Lance blushes and looks over at Keith. Keith is staring at him with wonder in his eyes.

“Aren’t you dating Hunk, though?” Keith asks.

“We’re polyamorous,” Lance replies blatantly, like it’s obvious.

“He… would be okay with it?”

“Yeah, we’ve already talked about it.”

“I— I like you, too, Lance.” Lance smiles at Keith. He slips his hand over Keith’s. The two lean against each other for support as they continue to look at the stars. Lance tells Keith stories that he told his sister, mostly the fake ones just so he can listen to Keith laugh.

\----

Allura screams rings out over the comms.

“Allura!” Shiro shouts.

Lance can feel sharp pains in his rib; the area is tender to touch. His head is ringing and his vision is blurry; he hit it pretty hard earlier. Blue won’t respond, but it seems that nobody’s lion is working. He hangs his head, not wanting to accept defeat.

Shiro speaks. “Everybody, listen. We have to fight. We have to channel all our energy. Visualize five becoming one. We have to focus everything we have into forming Voltron. We are the last thing standing in the way of Zarkon’s total universal domination. I’m not giving up that fight! Are you, Hunk?”

“No,” Hunk says with finality.

“Pidge?” Shiro asks.

“Never!” they shout.

“Lance?”

Lance stifles a groan when he moves, causing pain to pulse through his body. He smirks. “Let’s go down swingin’.” Blue roars to life.

“Keith?”

“I’m all in.”

“Then let’s get Voltron back in this battle.”

 

By some miracle, they won. In a huge purple explosion, Zarkon was finally defeated. Voltron was ripped apart by the sheer force of the explosion.

Every breath Lance takes burns. He groans. “Did we do it?”

“Is it over?” Hunk asks.

Shiro’s Lion wasn’t moving as Coran brought the ship closer. Keith and Pidge were quick to tug him aboard.

“Princess, we’re all on board.” They wormholed away.

 

They all ran to Shiro’s Lion. Why wasn’t he responding? Every movement made Lance gasp in pain. He tried to ignore it, there was something more important.

“Shiro?” Keith calls out. Lance knew the two were very close, Shiro was practically his brother. It must be tearing Keith apart with worry.

Shiro’s bayard was left in there, but there was no Shiro at the helm.

“He’s… gone,” Lance observes. No one says anything for a few minutes. Lance feels numb, his head is spinning. Before he knows it, everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry??? I think???  
> Follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance


	5. The Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finds out that Lance is trans and that everyone else knew. He overreacts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted Coran to bond with Lance, his favorite paladin c':  
> This update is actually 1.2k words, go me.

The healing pod opens as Lance regains consciousness. He’s greeted by the worried faces of Hunk, Keith, and Pidge. Allura is standing off to the left looking mildly concerned. Coran is busying himself by typing on a screen, observing Lance’s vitals. Hunk and Keith move to hug him. Coran notices Lance and runs over to drag him aside.

“My boy,” he starts. “I’m afraid—I’m afraid that I couldn’t keep your secret.”

After seeing that Lance was okay, Keith stomps over to him and yells, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Lance asks, genuinely confused as to what Keith is talking about.

“Keith, it’s not that big a deal,” Pidge interjects. “He just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“But it seems that he knew how to tell everyone else,” Keith says. With that, he turns and leaves. The team watches him leave, no one saying a word.

Realization struck Lance: Keith found out he was trans. He isn’t ready to deal with this. Keith hated him now, everything Lance feared was coming true. He had wanted to tell Keith on his own terms. How did Keith find out? He looks over at Coran.

“I—” Lance doesn’t let Coran finish. He needs to go be alone.

 

It has been quite the day. Lance regained consciousness and five seconds later was being yelled at by Keith. He thought looking at the stars might help him, but it’s not. It’s too silent here by himself and he’s thinking about his confession to Keith. Keith hated him now, so that’s over.

Approaching footsteps echo through the observatory, the person too light on their feet to be Hunk. Curious as to who else it could be, Lance turns his head. Coran is approaching him, wearing a worried look.

“How’s my little warrior?” Coran asks.

Lance wrinkles his nose. “Little warrior?”

“Yes,” Coran answers simply. “You’re young, therefore little, and you are a paladin, or in other terms, a warrior. A mighty fine one.” Lance scoffs, brushing off the compliment.

“Thanks, Coran,” Lance mumbles.

Coran sits next to him, placing a hand on his knee in comfort. The gesture was appreciated, Lance’s dad used to do it all the time when he tried to comfort his kids. It reminds Lance of home in that way. “I didn’t mean for him to find out,” Coran says. “It all happened so quickly. Everyone was worried. We had to get you out of your clothes to exam your ribs. Three of which were broken. I was under the impression that everyone knew.”

Lance snaps, “Knew what? That I’m less of a man than them?” Coran’s eyes widened.

“Less of a man? Why would you think that? You’ve proved your valor time and time again, you are not less of a man. If anything, I think you are braver and more noble. Pidge tells me how- what do they call it on your planet again?, ah- transgender people are viewed on Earth. On Altea, it was perfectly normal. People were aware of and respected all genders on Altea. But Earth is not Altea, I know. I think it’s noble for you and Pidge to be yourselves. That takes a lot of guts, son.”

“So, you don’t think of me as lesser?” Lance asks timidly, touched by Coran’s words.

“Of course not. You’re quite the young man. Hunk and Keith should be proud they have you. Your valor reminds me of Alfor.” Coran’s eyes grow sad.

“Really? You’re comparing me to a king?” Lance laughs. After a few seconds, he adds, “I planned on telling him. You just never know how people are going to react. People on Earth aren’t accepting like the people on Altea.”

“I understand,” Coran says. The two spend the rest of time before dinner stargazing. Coran tells him about what the night sky was like on Altea.

\----

Lance stares up at the ceiling. Thoughts run wild in his head. He thinks about Keith blowing up at him, but his thoughts ultimately drift back to that water planet. So much had happened since then, but those thoughts plague his mind. 

Hunk and Blue had been there to calm him down, but that hadn’t stopped the initial panic attack. Blue’s supportive thoughts were what kept him going that day.

Eventually, he drifts off to sleep.

When he opens his eyes he’s underwater. It’s eerily quiet, all he can see in front of him are rocks and more water. He looks around, happy to see Hunk near him. He relaxes a bit. 

That doesn’t last for long because Blue won’t respond. It seems like Yellow isn’t either. 

Panic swells in him. What’s going on? Why a water planet of all places? Why won’t Blue respond? He can’t even see the sky from down here.

They were going to die down here, they were going to die, they were going—He tries to breathe in deeply. They were going to die down here at the bottom of an ocean and no one would know. His family wouldn’t know. He’s never going to see them again, he’s never going to see the stars again, never going to see Keith again, never going to—

 

He wakes with a fright. He thinks he was screaming.

Lance can’t breathe. The world around him is spinning. It feels like someone is stabbing him in the chest. His vision is blurry, he can’t see straight. He can’t stop his shaking. He’s sweating but he feels so cold. Fighting back the tears, he tries to focus on the world around him. He tries to ground himself.

The world continues to spin around in circles, he can’t focus on a single thing for long. He feels uncomfortable in his own skin, he can’t sit still.

He hadn’t realized it, but he had begun sobbing loudly. His chest hurt so much, the pain sharp and unbearable. 

Someone was shaking his shoulders. He hadn’t even heard them come in the door. Had he been that loud? His vision focuses and he sees Keith looming over him, concerned. It makes sense since his room is next door.

“Lance? Are you okay?” Keith asks frantically.

“Keith?” he manages.

“Deep breaths, Lance. Deep breaths,” Keith says. 

Lance nods and tries to take deep breaths.

“Hey, Lance. Think of five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Focus on those things. Or focus on my voice. It’s okay, Lance.” Keith began to ramble on about random things, trying to calm Lance down. It comforts Lance to listen to his voice. He focuses on Keith’s voice and his own breathing.

Five things he can see? Keith, his bed, his slippers, the door, his blanket abandoned on the floor.

Four things he can touch? Keith’s hand on his cheek, his blanket….

He breathes in, holds it, then breathes out. His chest is still tight but he’s not crying anymore, he can breathe again, things are calming down.

“Thanks, Keith.”

“Anytime. I’ve had panic attacks before and Shiro taught me how to deal with them. I heard someone screaming and crying. I was worried.”

“You were worried?”

“Shut up,” Keith says. After a few beats, he opens his mouth to say something, and then closes it again. Eventually, he says, “Listen, I’m sorry I over-reacted.”

“It’s okay,” Lance says, surprised that Keith apologized.

Keith catches himself staring at Lance for too long and blushes. “We good?”

“We’re good.” Lance nods. “Now can we get off my floor?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no more pre-written scenes that needed to be fit into the story, so updates might be longer now. Well, I have one more but that won't fit in for a while longer. Don't Let Me Drown is my longest fic, I'm so happy. I usually just write rather short short stories, so this is big for me. It's at 5.2k words, which is good for me.  
> You can follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance


	6. Creative Title.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said updates would be more scarce? I lied.  
> Schedule? Don't know her.  
> Editing? Don't know her.

They sit and chat on Lance’s bed while Lance continues to take deep breaths. There’s still a bit of pain in his chest, but it’s fading away. He sits, curled up in blankets while Keith is currently talking about how Shiro always got him out of trouble when they were growing up. Apparently Shiro’s family had basically adopted him, he used to spend countless nights at Shiro’s house. 

It relaxes Lance to listen to Keith talk. They bump their knees together and smile at each other every once in awhile. They share stories about how they looked up to Shiro. 

“What caused the panic attack? Do you know?” Keith asks tentatively.

Lance broke eye contact with Keith, choosing instead to look at his hands. “Yeah, I know what caused it.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

Lance hesitates. He did want to tell Keith. Hunk was the only other one who knew, maybe it was time he tell someone else.

In the end, Lance nods. It would help to talk about it. He begins, “when I was seven, I almost drowned. I thought I was going to die then. I had almost forgotten about that time. Then, that water planet happened. I had a nightmare about that water planet. Blue wasn’t responding and everything was dark and I thought we were going to die.”

“Oh, that must have been terrifying. Well, I’m happy you’re here now.” Keith bumps his knee against Lance’s, causing Lance to look up. They smile at each other.

“It was terrifying, but at least Hunk was there. He got me through it.”

“You guys are really close, huh?”

“Yeah, I mean, we grew up together after all.” Lance smiles at those memories.

“When did you guys start dating?”

“In high school. I asked Hunk out and we went on a date to a coffee shop. It was kind of awkward, we’d been friends for so long that it was weird to be on a date with your best friend. We tried it out for a few weeks and found that we really clicked. We were already super close, so not much changed really.”

“Then you both enrolled at the Garrison?”

“Yeah. This is nice, thanks Keith.”

“No problem.”

\----

The next day, he takes Blue for a small flight around the castle. No one will notice if he disappears for a bit after dinner. 

He had just been trying to clear some air, spend some time with Blue, when a wormhole opens. Blue encourages him to go through it and since he trusts her unconditionally, he listens to her.

On the other side of the wormhole is a planet covered in mostly water. Of course. From what land he can see as they got closer, it doesn’t exactly seem habitable. The land masses are comparable to tundras. He has obviously never been here before, but somehow knew its name. Pa’ani Major according to its former inhabitants. 

According to the reading he finds in her database, “...the planet became uninhabitable due to a major volcanic eruption. All of the inhabitants either left in search of a new home or perished. Many left for Pa’ani Minor, only to find that it was also uninhabitable. A good amount of the plant life still thrives underwater. An entire plant ecosystem, untouched. Now, only one planet in this solar system was habitable, Murva.”

“Blue, is this…?” She purrs in response, like she’s agreeing. “Woah,” is all Lance can say. It looks so lonely now. He wonders, for the millionth time, why Blue was on Earth and why she chose him. There had to be a reason.

It was Blue’s home planet. He wonders if she had been there for the demise of her planet. The destruction of her planet happened over 10,000 years ago, she must have been there. She lets out a defensive growl, warning him not to press farther. 

How horrible it must have been to see your planet be destroyed. Lance began to cry. She sent comforting thoughts, seemingly trying to tell him that she wasn’t alone now. She has Lance now, and she had the paladin before him. She wasn’t alone and neither was Lance.

“I want to go home,” he whispers. She roars and a new wormhole appears in front of her.

He doesn’t tell the others. It’s a secret between the two of them.

However, he does make a note to ask why Blue appears to make wormholes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've basically finished this, and am currently debating saying "fuck it" and uploading the rest.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance!


	7. Wrapping Up Loose Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap is the last~

Lance doesn’t know what to think of the fact that Blue is from a planet that’s covered in water. It’s like the world is mocking him, never letting him forget. Well, it’s not his fault he’s scared of the water. Not his fault he almost drowned.

“You seem distracted, Lance,” Hunk comments, drawing Lance back to the present.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just thinking,” Lance says. “Maybe I’ll never get over this fear,” he mumbles.

“We’re here for you either way,” Hunk says. Keith nods. Lance can only smile in response.

“The food is great, Hunk,” Keith says, not sure how to comfort Lance. 

Lance nods wisely. “It always is.” He takes another bite of whatever it is.

\----

Lance didn’t have time to think about where Blue was from or his fear of water, and the team didn’t really have time to look for Shiro. There were battles to win, an empire to destroy, planets to free, and peace treaties to sign. Voltron was a sign of peace. 

Without the black paladin, Black took Allura as her paladin. She was very finicky about it, but she knew that they needed to form Voltron. To her, Allura was just a placeholder until Shiro came back. But when was Shiro coming back?

Allura knew she was a placeholder, but she tried her hardest to prove her worth. Tensions were high on the team, but everyone ignores it. They yell and scream then pretend like nothing happened. After all, they’re just stressed.

\----

Nightmares plague Lance. He’s drowning and the sea creatures are taunting him, watching him drown. The worst thing is— Blue is the one pulling him down.

“I want to show you something,” she says.

Lance tries to scream, but he only inhales water. No one can hear him.

When he wakes up, he’s in Hunk’s arms and Keith stands at the foot of his bed. “It was just a bad dream,” Hunk soothes.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lance says shakily, nodding along with his words.

They make a pillow fort and the three of them sleep on his floor. The floor is cold and hard but Lance doesn’t care. Hunk and Keith are there with him. They’ll save him from the nightmares. He loves them and they love him. He sleeps soundly knowing they’re there.

\----

He lay across the collective laps of his boyfriends. Keith runs his hands through Lance’s short hair. They chat idly about things. It’s relaxing.

Lance drifts off to sleep and has the best sleep he’s had in months. The best sleep he’s had since Shiro went missing. 

He is so happy to have these two. These precious boys. They accept him for who he is. They know all his secrets, all his insecurities and they love him anyways. He’d do this all over again if he had to. He’s so happy to have met them.

He’s always been afraid to tell people about his fear or that he was trans. He never wanted to be viewed of as lesser. They didn’t view him that way, though.

\----

They stargaze a lot. Sometimes Coran joins them and tells them the constellations and mythology from Altea. Coran makes up what he doesn’t remember, but they don’t care. They enjoy it all the same.

\----

They all miss Shiro. Coran spends his time trying to locate the man, but always comes up short. With everything going on, their search for him has to be put on the backburner.

Pidge and Keith are hit the hardest. He was like their older brother. Pidge already lost their biological brother, even though he was still out there somewhere. Now they lost the man that they looked up to look a brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance


	8. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk, Keith, and Lance stargaze and it's gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhh

Years go by. Years of fighting, forming Voltron, signing more peace treaties, settling petty disputes.

 

Coran tells them the news: they can go home. At least for now.

 

After five years of watching Zarkon’s empire crumble, of freeing enslaved planets, they were finally able to go home. They probably wouldn’t be able to stay forever, there was a universe to defend. Plenty of people will probably rise from the ashes after learning of Zarkon’s defeat.

 

Keith accompanies Lance to meet his family. Lance had been adamant about it, there was no way Keith was going to say no. They leave Blue nearby, knowing she’ll be safe but not wanting to scare his family.

 

Now that they were finally at the house, Keith was having second thoughts. He is not about to tell Lance that, though. He gives Lance a reassuring smile, and Lance takes that as his queue.

 

Lance runs up to the door, banging on it loudly when he finally reaches it. He shifts impatiently on his feet, waiting for someone to answer. He knows at least someone is home, one of the cars was there.

 

A much older Romeo answers the door. He looks with he’s about eleven now. “Lance?” he asks, not believing that the man in front of him was real.

 

“Yeah,” Lance says, practically jumping up and down. “I’m home. Where is everyone?” Lance pulls Romeo in a hug which his brother eagerly returns.

 

“Dad, Elena, and Miguel are at the store,” Romeo says. “Come in.” He opens the door wider. Lance turns around and motions for Keith to come along.

 

“This is Keith,” Lance explains. “He’s my boyfriend.” Keith gives a small wave, blushing at the word “boyfriend.”

 

“What about Hunk?” Romeo asks, tilting his head.

 

“Oh, Hunk and I are polyamorous,” Lance says, waving his hand like it was simple. Which, it was, really.

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

The three enter the house, Keith marveling at the size of it.

 

“Everyone will be so happy,” Romeo says. “We were told you were dead.”

 

“Really? Well, here I am.”

 

Romeo laughs; it sounds sad. “I see that.”

 

“Lupe moved out. She felt bad leaving mom and dad after we heard the news, but she got a job in another state.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Mom! Mom! Guess who’s here?”

 

Isa looked up from her book. She did a double take, not believing her eyes when she saw her long lost son. “Lance!” she cries. “Is that really you, mijo? Eres mi Lance?”

 

“Hola, mami.”

 

“Mi rey, te extraño mucho,” she says between tears. She squeezes her son so hard that Lance thinks he’ll never breathe again. Seeming to notice Keith, she lets go of Lance and wipes the tears from her eyes. “Oh, mijo, you didn’t tell me we had guests. Hi, I’m Isa.” 

 

“Keith.” He accepts her outstretched hand.

 

“Lance’s boyfriend,” Romeo teases. Keith runs his hand through his hair, blushing.

 

“Romeo!” Lance yells.

 

The familiar sounds of a car on the gravel and the voices of his siblings cause Lance to turn and towards the door. “We should surprise them!” he says. 

 

“Don’t give your father a heart attack,” his mom chides. “We’re not as young as we used to be.”

 

“They’re taking too long,” Lance says before sprinting out the door.

 

“Papi!” Lance calls and he runs to greet his father.

 

His father stops in his tracks, letting the bags in his hands fall to the ground. He runs to met Lance the rest of the way. “¡Mijo!” he exclaims. “¡Estás aqui! ¡Estás aqui!”

 

“Yes, papi, it’s me. I’m alive. I’m here.” The two fall to their knees as they hug. Elena and Miguel rush to join in, creating a group hug. Everyone is yelling at in his ear and he can’t make out what they’re saying. Everyone is crying, including Lance.

 

They stay like that for a few minutes. Lance notices that he hasn’t seen or heard from one person. “Where’s Adri?” he asks.

 

Everyone’s eyes grow somber. Lance’s dad looks at him with pity in his eyes. “She’s—she’s gone, Lance,” he says.

 

“Gone?” Lance questions. How could Adri be gone? Gone where?

 

“...she drowned. Two summers ago. She went for a late night swim one night and never came back,” his dad explains.

 

Drowned. She drowned. What Lance had always been afraid of.

 

“What…” Lance trails off. Elena hugs him tighter. “Why…” His father rubs his dad in a comforting manner.

 

“We thought we had lost you both,” his father cries. Actually cries. The man of steel cries.

 

Lance just stares at the ground. The sister he could talk to about anything, the sister that came to him with all of her problems or questions, the one he stargazed with up on that hill. Gone.

 

“I’m sorry,” Miguel says. “We ruined your homecoming.”

 

Lance tries to pull himself back together. Fake it til you make it, he believes. “That reminds me, I have so much to tell you guys,” he says forcing a smile. No one believes the smile, but they humor him. They finish picking up the groceries and follow him into the house.

 

“Lance,” his father says while the kids rush into the house, causing Lance to pause in his tracks. “We all thought you were dead.”

 

“Well, I’m here,” Lance says. His father nods.

 

\----

 

The three lay down in the grass on the hill. Keith feels like he’s committing a crime being up here, a place that belonged to Adri and Lance only.

 

“And that’s Cygnus,” Lance says, pointing out the swan. Hunk and Keith nod. They know these constellations, studied them as children, but they dare not tell Lance to stop. “The star on it’s tail, Deneb, is a blue supergiant. And that’s Aquila, the eagle.”

 

_ “Are the swan and eagle friends?” _

 

_ “Yeah, they are.” _

 

A warm summer wind ruffles his hair. He wiggles his feet in the cool dirt. He remembers the feel of Adri’s small hand in his as he’d guide her hand, tracing the constellations. Tears begin to fall, but he pushes through.

 

_ “I want to go out there.” _

 

_ “Me too.” _

 

“And that,” he says, pointing, “is Cassiopeia, the Queen. Her closest star is only 19.4 light years away. It was Adri’s favorite…” He trails off, thoughts running wild in his head.

 

_ “She must be beautiful!” Adri marvels. “And huge!”  _

 

_ “Yeah,” Lance says. “And one day, we’ll get out there.” _

 

_ “Together?” _

 

_ “Together.” _

 

Keith falls asleep listening to Lance ramble about the stars. Hunk stays up with him all night, slipping his hand into Lance’s and giving it a small squeeze, encouraging him to keep talking. Lance squeezes back.

 

He keeps thinking of his little sister, left alone after he went to the Garrison. It was his fault she was gone. He should have stayed. Instead, he went all the way across the universe and left her alone. Being home without her didn’t feel real. 

 

The one thing he had feared the most. The one thing he hated is what he had lost her to. All the more reason to hate the water. Maybe he’ll never get over this fear, and that’s okay. He had Hunk and Keith there for him, and he had his family again. What more could he ask for.

 

He takes a calming breath. Hunk and Keith keep him afloat, keep his head above the water. They’re not going to let him drown. 

  
“And that’s Cepheus, her king…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on tumblr @ pleasantlyklance


End file.
